Everything I know about Volleyball I learned from Dead or Alive

I feel like video games lied to me.

Anywho, I played Volleyball tonight. A friend of mine wasn't feeling up to the task so I filled her spot on the team. It definitely brought back some memories.

Back in grade school gym class I was the kid that stepped up to the kickball plate and made that one asshole on the other team go, "Okay everybody, move in!" The outfielders would walk forward and be ready to catch my heartfelt kick that no matter how hard I tried, always failed to sail past second base.

Now here comes intramural college Volleyball and it's that same feeling of sickening inadequacy. I'm bouncing around like an enthusiastic idiot ready for a friendly game of V-Ball, when in walks the opposing team, chiseled from marble in their matching muscle shirts boasting their screen printed team name: "Soft Serve" I recognized a few of them from the dining hall. They're the ones with three plates of food and two cups of Powerade.

I flail at the ball, trying in desperation to keep my fun loving spirit aloft, but their muscles ripple with each crushing serve and smack over the net and my arms are red and sore. I'm scared to call "I got it!" because I can already hear them. "Okay everybody, move in!"

All I wanted to do is bust out my Magic cards. If only they would have let me play my Phantom Nishoba in that game, I would have dominated.

So I eventually switched out with this dude and watched the team start to win. Blow to my self esteem #243. But back on the sidelines, cheering on with my buddies and seeing Kyle grin mischievously from behind my blue headband, I am once again glad that I am more than a package of muscle with a powerade in each hand. I've got buddies and Magic cards and Bros to smash. Some people are fit to be fit and serve soft victory from accross a net, I'd rather cheer from the side and dance like an idiot. Yeah, I'm that cool.

To each his own?

I'm not gonna lie, part of me wishes I could be that guy who could kickball so hard it hits the other end of the gym, but we all gotta be honest with ourselves and for me it's much more satisfying to sing Lady Gaga like a fool and do the "Beat that ass!" cheer.

Besides, I don't even look that good in a bikini.